I have had a trying week, one where I reacted on feelings of hurt. God was telling me that I can not be an accurate reflection of him if I base my actions on my feelings. The sad part is I know this, it is just something I keep doing and I am sure that I am not the only person out there that does this so I thought I would share my thoughts and feeling about this, maybe to help others.
How are we supposed to react to feelings of hurt?
Exodus 14:14 tells us
"the Lord will fight for you, you only have to be silent"
See this is my issue, I am reactive, I know this about myself yet I keep falling in to the reactive trap.
Do I think I am justified for my feelings? Yes I do, but I am not giving glory to God when I react on them.
For example, I am changing jobs, and I have been unhappy at my current job for a while now, and a week ago I gave notice and will be leaving that job, however all of the reasons I am leaving my current job have to do with the negativity of others, it is often hard for me to separate what I feel from what I pick up off of others. Yesterday and the day before I worked really hard to get some things caught up that have been lacking because I can never seem to get the time I need to get my job done, what with being pulled to do other things. I was feeling accomplished and proud of the good job done when I was told I was behind, I was shocked and angry, I thought "how can I be behind when I am ahead and trying to get things set up for you to make the transition easier when I am gone?" What???? So if my reaction to this was instant anger, which we all know translates into hurt.
I then was thinking, "if you are just going to complain, I don't need to be here, why should I stay for my final week when you can't even say thank you, but only see negatively? I don't HAVE to be here!" It frustrated me and ruined my whole morning and threatened to ruin my entire day.
I spent my lunch hour talking to my mom, asking for advise. She helped me work through my hurt feelings and said "The devil knows how to push your buttons, and you are letting him do it" She then sent me some battlefield things on my phone to read, it really did help me and included was a prayer to guard against those schemes.
When I returned from my lunch break I was reminded that hurting people, hurt people because there are a lot of things going on in that persons life that causes them to be so negative, is it right that she takes it out on others? No, not at all, but had I taken just a minute to use my mind the way I am supposed to, like the mind of Christ, I could have reacted in a way that showed off Christ's love, not a way that feeds the negativity she already has to live with daily!
It must be hard to carry all that all the time. It is defiantly hard for me to deal with it in others, glad I do not have to live with all of that heaviness anymore, I know I used to before I came to Jesus and asked him to live in my heart. I want him to take over my heart and it is beginning to happen more and more, I just feel like when I make reactive mistakes that I am taking a step back in my journey.
James 1:19 says
Know this my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear, slow to anger, and slow to speak
God, I pray today that you help me in this, that you would help me to keep this in the forefront of my mind and my heart. I know that you are growing me daily and I thank you that you point out when I make mistake so that I may learn, and I love how you are working in me and through me and I wish to make you proud. Please Father, help me to not react in anger or hurt but to reflect love, let a mirror reflection of your love be so bright in me that it blinds all hate, hurt, anger and negativity that I see and feel daily, and take the vessel that is me God, and use it for your glory!
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